I never understood the old-timey trope regarding the Hot Nurse. I’m pretty sure it originated during the first and especially the second world war, when domestic women dropped everything and enlisted themselves to do whatever they could to help out the cause.
This entailed listening to some inured jackass talk endlessly about himself whilst pretending to be interested. He was lying at least 80 percent of the time, but you gotta fake it ’til you make it.
Then, she wiped his ass, and some of them got married.
This was back in the day, and the healthcare system was quite a bit different. Back then, the nurse to patient ratio was about 1:1. This afforded them time to wear stupid hats and really slutty slips and put in a lot of face time while dressing your gangrenous wound and sussing out how hard of a worker you are, because this job fucking sucks, and they’re looking for an out.
I don’t spend any time in hospitals, but from my brief time visiting people there, it seems there is now roughly one nurse for every 1,700 homeless crackheads and cranky entitled racist diabetics.
From my admittedly limited experience, it appears that the nurses at the hospital not only do not give a shit what you want, but they seem to openly spite you.
They’re basically the opposite or nurturing (the etymology of nurse), and they seem really stressed out and overworked.
This is more a reflection of how screwed up our healthcare system is, but I don’t want to talk about that.
I want to talk about how nurses are gross.
I don’t mean they are gross people, I just mean that what they do for a living is incredibly grotesque, if you had to look at a daily breakdown of it.
So, they bring home some of that grossness.
Like, if I was dating a nurse, I’d have to be like “Yeah honey, I had a rough day at work today. One of my co-workers kept making lame jokes.” Then my nurse girlfriend, while eating spaghetti and meatballs, would be like “I had to drain puss out of a homeless guy’s asshole and it filled up an entire five gallon bucket.” Me: “Would you like another White Russian?”
Let’s further discuss the appearance of these nurses: a basic rule of nature is, people don’t want to do really disgusting jobs, so the people who take these jobs are sort of compromising themselves. If we’re going to fetishize nurses (I’m not talking about male flunky nurses, for the sake of this article I’m talking about female nurses, as they outnumber male nurses by about a 10:1 margin), then what’s the gender equivalent? I don’t hear many women talking about how sexy a garbage man or peep show mopper is. While these men traffic in filth, at least they don’t come into intimate contact with it on a daily basis.
Oh, I forgot, you’re wearing a rubber glove! Everything’s totally normal then. Maybe I should put on a suit made of rubber gloves and dive into a Bonaroo Honey Bucket filled with meth diarrhea. Would that make me not gross?
So, these nurses are not the leggy blondes you see referenced in legitimate film, and porn. These are heavyset Phillippina women who have nine children and are really fucking pissed about their situation, and will take it out on you if you ask for your medicine.
(This is nothing against Philippine women, or any person for that matter, I’m just stating, when is the last time you actually saw a blonde nurse? The answer is, never. Those women have figured out a way to not handle human excrement on a daily basis.)
In summary: I have never personally known a nurse, but one time a friend of mine was dating a nurse. She smelled heavily of disinfectant. I imagine that, after handling AIDS blood fifty hours a week, you’d want to disinfect yourself too.
But, the smell of fresh sanitation was distracting. There were no pheromones in this relationship. I kept wanting to ask her how much she hated her job, but I feared that if she said that she actually enjoyed her job, I would judge her as a Patrick Bateman level psychopath.
I feel the same way about doctors to a lesser degree. I have asked many, many doctors this question: Why, if you’re a doctor, would you decide to specialize not in feet, but in assholes? What is wrong with these asshole doctors?
They never really have a good answer, and I frankly assume that most proctologists, gastroenterologists, and gynecologists, are untrustworthy and I wouldn’t want them around my unborn children.
Here’s my point: What nurses do for a living is really gross, and I would never date one. It seems to be a fairly common profession. The healthcare industry is huge.
There are guys who specialize in cleaning up decomposed bodies. When someone dies, and the body has been there for a week, or two, or three, someone has to clean it up. The EMTs don’t clean it up.
I wouldn’t want to have dinner with that guy. I’d know what he saw earlier that day, and I’d have a hard time talking about anything else. Like, I’d really want to get into the details. Not that I like gore, I don’t, I’m squeamish, but I’d want to know how you forget that, and how you order a rare steak.
I think you can see it in their eyes, things you can’t un-see, and I think it either makes them embittered, or fucking nuts on a PTSD level.
For that reason, I wouldn’t date a nurse. They see death on a daily basis, and they get paid for it, and they bring that home with with them.