I’ve met a lot of people recently who claim to be a “progressive Catholic.” You know them: they don’t hate gays and don’t support the fact that the higher ups in the Church are really into looking out for the career longevity of pedophiles.
If this is you, you aren’t Catholic.
First and foremost, the Catholic Church is based on the belief that if you don’t believe its doctrine in full, then you are not a Catholic. For example, when you go up and receive Communion – the crackers and wine (which you can buy online and find a coupon for) the priest will say to you,
“This is the body and blood of Christ.”
Notice the wording there, he doesn’t say:
“This represents the body and blood of Christ”
This is because, under Catholic doctrine, you believe that this is the literal body and blood of Christ. If you don’t believe this, you are in fact not Catholic.
This miniscule point is a large part of what separates Catholics from blacker and more goofy churches. If you take a look at a jar of Communion wafers, you’ll see the ingredients listed right on there, and DNA isn’t one of them.
Secondly, a large part of Catholic indoctrination has always been about hating gays and shaming people for being sexual beings. If you’re not into this, you are not a progressive Catholic, you’re not a Catholic. Let’s say you do believe everything about the religion, but you aren’t into the whole sexual oppression thing – you just think the Church’s leadership has misfired over the last 1000 years and that you are truly a disenfranchised Catholic. Okay, you’re an idiot. It would be like saying North Korea is a brilliant country, its just had bad leadership. Yes, since its existence. Furthermore, if it weren’t for these dickless bigots, Catholics wouldn’t exist. So your point sucks.
There are probably three levels of people who believe they are Catholic – those who like getting iPads at Christmas, those who go to mass freshly fucked, and legitimate bat-shit crazy people who practice it ritually and believe everything about it. The last group, according to the Church, are the only real Catholics. The first two make up the progressive Catholic demo.
I’m not sure that anyone who lives in a capitalist nation could even be a Catholic. Jesus would hate you and your Mall of America. If you look at the Beatitudes, Jesus says that you should feed the poor and clothe the hungry. Since there are naked and hungry people all over the world, if you’re not giving a lot of your income to them, you’re not Catholic. This would make the Pope un-Catholic since he lives in a mansion and has poor people shuffled away from its gates because they hinder tourism revenue (yes, the Vatican charges admission.)
The only real Catholic would have to be some high-functioning poor schizophrenic somewhere in Angola.
Either way, there’s no such thing as a progressive Catholic. If you claim to be, you’re lying to yourself.
GREAT! BRILLIANT!! Do it again!!
EXACTLY.
I’m sorry you’re so misinformed about the Catholic church. You must have never heard of transubstantiation, which is the moment during the liturgy in which the host (you referred to it as a “cracker”) is transformed into the body and blood of Jesus. For this reason, you won’t find DNA in the ingredients list. You also claim that the church hates gays. You must have never taken the time to read the Catechism of the Catholic Church, which clearly states that we should welcome gays and encourage friendship. The church acknowledges their struggle, but encourages chastity, which seems like a crazy concept to this oversexed society. As those trying their best to follow every rule, they, my friend, have found true freedom in Christ. God bless.
Oh, right, it makes perfect sense that the cracker would turn into the body and blood of Christ after an archaic blessing. That makes perfect sense, my bad.