How do I state this without sounding creepy – well, when I have a genuine connection with someone (meaning that I enjoy hanging out with them), I immediately categorize them as a friend, whether I see them every day, or once a year.
Like everyone, I have varying degrees of friends – but the basic criteria for calling someone a friend in my book is this:
If you did a blind study and asked someone if they were friends with me, they’d say yes. Same would go for me. So we are friends.
That being said, I have many people I consider friends who I am excited to talk to when we bump into each other, but I don’t call them or text them or follow anything they are doing. I would be invited to their birthday party, but not a birthday dinner.
Here’s the thing – I am currently satisfied with my regular rotation of friends whom I actually communicate with on the reg, but I live in L.A. partly as a manifestation of wanting to experience new things and meet new people – which I have.
But I don’t often make new friends anymore. I am game if it happens as an organic process, but I’m probably a bit more on the guarded side.
I’ve reached some unofficial quota. I have all of the emotional support, muted presence as an ear for my problems, and comedic influence/antagonism I need.
Even when I meet cool people, I’m like a chick saying, you seem like a really nice guy, but I’m dating Mumford and Sons.
I have basically stopped courting new friends.
But here is what I have been doing: I have, fairly regularly, been pushing the boundaries of my casual friendships by attempting to escalate them if I see fit.
Here’s my Move:
If I run into a buddy of mine who I think is hilarious – but I have never really hung out with much (or ever) – and we get to talking, I will say:
We should hang out.
A clear violation of my own friendship code which states: Only escalate if its organic.
My invitation is usually met with a slight double take, a look that says,
Matt, we are hanging out right now (you fucking weirdo.)
I get it. I’d react the same way. The invitation conjures an uncomfortable mental picture of two guys sitting silently through a matinee, but I feel as though I should have immunity when it comes to judgement on such invitations, because, as I said I don’t need friends.
My minor escalations have mostly been met with tenuous agreements – vague plans – the likes of which I would definitely make with little intention of following through were the shoe were on the other foot.
We are all getting older and we have less free time.
Do I consider myself a hero: Yes.
Everyone always talks about social justice. And this is the ultimate form. I believe in conserving natural resources. I believe in supporting our work force here at home – in America.
I am not in favor of outsourcing, for the record.
In such case, why would I not want to invest in my own friends? Humanity? The children? These are the people who used to be children roughly thirty years ago – and they are still our future.
I will continue creeping out people I know – fighting the good fight.
As the extremely corny and overrated Bob Marley said, in a fake broken accent which I will translate here:
Every day the bucket goes to the well, but one day the bottom will drop out.
Alternatively, one of my favorite jams from Montessori School is this:
Make new friends – but keep the old; one is silver and the other’s gold.
Text me.
Side Notes: The following is not in reference to any one person, as I have been doing this Move constantly as a social experiment of sorts, so, while I am open to hanging out with any of my friends, I am not being creepy towards any one individual.