Happy Hour all day sounds like an amazing deal. Upon closer inspection, if you have Happy Hour all day, aren’t those just your regular prices? This is becoming increasingly common amongst sushi places and I’d be weary of any establishment trying to con me into eating its food. If you’re going to resort to informercial techniques why would I trust the albacore tuna isn’t nutria covered in sweet sauce.
Take this flyer. You’ll notice it is Happy Hour Sunday through Monday. What are the odds the day you look at this falls upon one of those days? It’s every day. Why the arbitrary distinction? Why not Thursday through next Sunday or Indefinitely or Until The Sun Burns Out or whatever. You’ll also notice the Happy Hour is 4 p.m. to 2 a.m. I called this particular establishment. Those are their regular business hours. In other words, they might allow you and your dominatrix to come pay regular price while they’re setting up in the morning, but honestly what’s the point.
The point of Happy Hour is that it’s special. Every hour can’t be happy. That’s why musicals are unwatchable. You need someone to key your car once in a while so you appreciate the death penalty. Happy Hours started as a scheme to lure blue collar workers into bars after the shift, knowing full well those miserable fools would continue drinking through the night at full price while bragging about the free peanuts. But even those scurvy ridden coal miners would have seen through this nonsense.
Here are a few more suggestions for local sushi places apparently marketing their food to idiotic window browsers who use Proactiv as a condiment:
Buy half a glass of beer at regular price, get the other half free!
Order a laughably overpriced basket of egg rolls and we’ll dump a five gallon bucket of them onto your dumb fucking tourist head for half price.
Open a free packet of chop sticks, 2 sticks for the price of 1.
Divide the regular price of a California roll by Pi, multiply that by half your age and just give us your credit card, we’ll do the math.
Give us a $20 bill. We will use it in our special spicy tuna marinade. The roll is free.
Order ten sushi rolls at regular price. Get on a rocket ship and ascend high enough into outer space that the space time continuum begins to warp and it’s actually earlier than when you bought them. It’s still Happy Hour.
Seriously, this is a bizarre cultural practice and we all know what you’re doing. Please stop insulting our intelligence. As a Westerner I find it super irritating as I’m drinking half price sake in your diabolical restaurant because you tricked me again.
” You need someone to key your car once in a while so you appreciate the death penalty.” Top Shelf.