God doesn’t favor one team over the other as athletes often proclaim. He doesn’t care whether or not you caught the ball, he has wars to justify. Unless of course, he did care… Here are the teams God actually roots for!
It seems tempting to think God would prefer underdogs but that’s not the case. The poorest people are the most religious, and God clearly hates those people based on the way he has set up his entire system.
Yet, if you read the bible, God clearly despises Capitalism, so he has a slight preference for Canadian teams like the Raptors even though dinosaurs are a liberal hoax.
He certainly has a negative view of teams owned by ruthless businessmen, especially those who are overtly evil such as Jerry Jones and Daniel Snyder of the Redskins. Having a racist name of an oppressed people definitely means he wants you to lose, and maybe that’s why he broke Robert Griffin’s leg.
Hence:
NFL: Green Bay Packers. They’re the only publicly owned team in American sports. Even though the goal of half the team is to concuss people, he wants everyone on this team to succeed because that means less money for Dan Snyder.
Lame Football: FC Barcelona. The front of their jersey features a UNICEF logo, which is an international aid organization. They literally give proceeds to charity. The club has 16,00 owners sharing the wealth. That’s at least half of Spain.
NBA: LA Clippers: God is a huge proponent good triumphing over evil and pride coming before the fall. He was super psyched when Donald Sterling was forced to resign and replaced by Steve Ballmer, the son of immigrants and an employee of Microsoft whose foundation does some fine charity work. He was kind of conflicted about the auspicious terms under which Sterling had his property coveted so he’s decided to have them suck in perpetuity to balance things out.
MLB: Indians: This is him trying to correct the Redskins thing more.
NHL: Arizona Coyotes, Atlanta Thrashers, Carolina Hurricanes. Florida Panthers. Even god doesn’t follow hockey and he sees everything. Yet he gets a lot of memos from Kirk Cameron and then decodes them and the fact hockey teams exist in subtropical climates in the age of climate change even God finds ironic and this is the guy who murders people he created out of love.
Side Note: He hates Kobe Bryant and David Stern.