I remember when Watergate went down, I was a young boy of 13, unfamiliar with the ways of the world. I watched as a nation went through the stages of denial, grief, and acceptance.
Actually I was born in 1982, but that’s how I imagine it. I suppose I could talk to some baby boomer who was alive during Watergate, but that would be a huge fucking waste of time…
Yeah, the asian menu items at The Cheesecake Factory actually are underrated, anyway, can we get back to Watergate?
What I do know is that when Watergate was going down, people talked about it a lot.
They had opinions about it, even if their opinions were ill-informed and idiotic. They had opinions like ‘Well, everyone does that, they all break into hotels and spy on each other, right?’
No, actually, only one guy has ever done that.
They also had more reasonable, pragmatic opinions, like ‘Hey this is kind of fucked up right?’
Yeah. Want to do coke and go dancing?
The Mueller investigation is Watergate, but so much more complex and potentially damning. It’s also not a witch hunt. It would be a witch hunt if actual witches existed, and those witches had conspired with Russia to swing an election, those cunt witches.
Nixon was impeached on October 30th, 1973.
It was a much more innocent time. The Exorcist was a hit movie, the talk of the town, a veritable phenomenon.
Apparently the director spliced images together, also known as fucking editing.
The country’s biggest celebrities were probably Clint Eastwood and Paul Newman – super cool guys who made cool movies.
Our biggest celebrity, excluding Donald Trump, is probably Kim Kardashian? I guess? A mute whore who has stuffed her ass cheeks full of shipping peanuts and is famous for making a bad porno and speaking with a vocal fry that makes you want to punch your couch?
Or maybe The Rock, Dwayne Johnson? Dwayne Johnson is awesome, you shouldn’t ever criticize Dwayne Johnson. But he’s obviously on steroids. A pretty aggressive, well managed cycle. The biggest action star of the 70’s was Charles Bronson. He was just a guy in okay shape who killed people who fucked with him.
Our country has become more and more cartoonish, a meta reference to itself. Big trucks have gotten bigger. Burgers have gotten bigger. Tits have gotten bigger.
The USA is a guy who doesn’t understand that nobody except for the person doing it thinks that putting a lift kit on your truck is cool.
The country is represented by Donald Trump, a man who paints himself orange and has the type of hair that would, has, and should, terminate any respect for him. It could possibly generate sympathy, like when you see an anorexic woman walking on the sidewalk, but that’s not the same thing as respect.
Granted, more people voted against Donald Trump than voted for him, but he’s still the representative of the country for all intents and purposes. Kind of like how if you go to a party with a group of friends, and that one friend starts a fight, people assume your entire crew are assholes.
In my mind, the USA is a country of false pretenses, of ideals which are not usually adhered to. Any yahoo with a beer in his hand and his belly hanging over his belt will tell you that they live in the freest country in the world. They’re utterly wrong. It’s not even an argument. The Netherlands offers their residents more freedom than the US does to its citizens.
So, what you’re saying is dumb.
People in the US criticize North Korea, a country which was formed out of an arbitrary invasion and subsequent massacre on the part of the US, for indoctrinating their citizens with propaganda. These same people don’t realize that their children are forced to recite the Pledge of Allegiance in school, every morning.
The entire thing is bullshit.
So, I think for that reason Donald Trump is an appropriate representative, in that he embodies all of the entitled, disconnected idiocy that makes this country suck for people whose daddy didn’t give them $400 million, as Trump’s dad did for him.
Trump’s whole schtick is that he’s a douchebag. Literally. His persona is that he’s an arrogant rich guy who has no empathy. Think about that. People who are fans of Trump fanaticize about firing other people. That means you’re an asshole, also.
Just as Paul Newman seems so much more pure and innocent than Kim Kardashian, Watergate was compared to the Mueller investigation.
Watergate was simple to digest. Some guy wanted dirt on his opponents, so he bugged a hotel where they were meeting.
The Trump scandal has many layers. There are his business dealings. His taxes. His foundation. Jared Kushner’s business dealings. His taxes. There is Vladimir Putin. There is Trump publicly submitting to him, the Russian dictator. There are dozens of verified stories of Russian money, often funneled through Ukraine, finding its way into associates of Donald Trump’s campaign.
The previous president, Barack Obama, had zero members of his administration indicted for any sort of crime against the nation.
Donald Trump has had a few. George Papadapolous, his former national security advisor, was criminally indicted by the FBI for lying about Russia, specifically its involvement in Trump’s campaign. Paul Manafort, his former campaign chairman, was indicted, and convicted, for a host of crimes, including lying to the FBI about Russia. Michael Flynn, his former national security advisor, was indicted and convicted for a myriad of crimes, including profiteering from Russia, and subsequently lying to the FBI about Russia. Manafort’s buddy and business associate, Rick Gates, was indicted and convicted for lying to the FBI about Russia. Konstantin Killmnick, whose name is incredibly Russian sounding, and who was an associate of Rick Gates, and Paul Manafort – who again was THE FUCKING CHAIRMAN OF TRUMP’S CAMPAIGN – was indicted for lying to the FBI about Russia.
If you don’t think there’s a connection, at this point, you’re either really stupid, or you haven’t looked into it, or more likely some combination of both, meaning that you are so stupid that you walk around pretending you have looked into it all the while being too stupid to understand that people who have looked into it can tell exactly what you’re doing.
So, like in Watergate, when the president is obviously guilty of a conspiratorial crime, he’s not going to go down easy. That’s the sting of pride, fucking with you.
The first line of defense is to attack the people leveling the charges, meaning the intelligence community.
That entails firing James Comey, the head of the FBI and publicly slandering the former head of the FBI, Robert Mueller, who now works as a special council to make sure we don’t start speaking German.
It’s chaos theory. Here are a few of Trump’s recent, discombobulated, desperate, unhinged tweets about Mueller:
The only “Collusion” is that of the Democrats with Russia and many others. Why didn’t the FBI take the Server from the DNC? They still don’t have it. Check out how biased Facebook, Google and Twitter are in favor of the Democrats. That’s the real Collusion!… Universities will someday study what highly conflicted (and NOT Senate approved) Bob Mueller and his gang of Democrat thugs have done to destroy people… These are Angry People, including the highly conflicted Bob Mueller, who worked for Obama for 8 years. They won’t even look at all of the bad acts and crimes on the other side. A TOTAL WITCH HUNT LIKE NO OTHER IN AMERICAN HISTORY!… The inner workings of the Mueller investigation are a total mess. They have found no collusion and have gone absolutely nuts. They are screaming and shouting at people, horribly threatening them to come up with the answers they want. They are a disgrace to our Nation and don’t…
It’s tough to dignify any of this with a response, because it is, by calculation, utter bullshit, but: Facebook and Twitter hypothetically filtering their news has nothing to do with Russian collusion, the Senate doesn’t approve the appointment of special councils so it would be impossible to do so, and they HAVE found collusion, hence a bunch of people in your campaign have been indicted, with many more to come.
Your average Republican, meaning some fucking moron with a nine toed woman, has now taken this angle out of desperation: ‘The media and the intelligence community are treating Donald Trump unfairly’ (subtext: even though it is painfully obvious that he is guilty.)
This doesn’t end well.
The next line of defense is to attempt to disrupt the investigation and fire anyone else who hasn’t explicitly agreed to continue the lie, and to then appoint people who act as obstructionist patsies, such as Matt Whitaker.
Then, obviously, attack the press, because they are in the business of reporting on people who are guilty of crimes.
Nixon did the same thing, and it was known as the Saturday Night Massacre.
That’s when the nation, collectively, was like ‘fuck this shit’, and in turn their congressional representatives grew a backbone and impeached the fascist leaning criminal president of the United States.
We haven’t really gotten to that point.
I think it’s because the world is much more complicated than it used to be.
It used to be much more simple.
If you were a Republican or a Democrat, and someone from the other party did something wrong, you would be like ‘Oh, man, that’s not cool’.
Now, the move is to just start repeating rumors about Hillary Clinton.
Nixon defeated Democrat Hubert Humphrey in 1968 to become president.
I’m almost certain that almost nobody, in 1973, after Nixon was impeached for Watergate, was like ‘Yeah but Hubert Humphrey’…
That’s because people used to be embarrassed about sounding like complete garbage ass morons.
The disinformation is also out of control.
And, the country used to appreciate Paul Newman, a talented, charming, eloquent man.
Now they worship Kim Kardashian, a trust fund bitch with no formal or street education.
Either way, the government still functions the same, so when Trump is impeached I’m going to go on a day drinking bender while you all pretend you were with me.