Hi, this is Kickstarter. We are looking for a young entrepreneur to invest their time and effort towards designing Kickstarter’s next Web Site!
Apply in person at Kickstarter Headquarters Basement, located in Manhattan.
Bring some galoshes, over-the-counter rat-traps, an industrial toilet brush, two quarts of bleach, and a copy of your Collegiate Transcripts (Masters Degree preferred) stating that you don’t have prior internship experience.
Here’s how this opportunity is going to work for YOU!
For every Dead Rat that you produce from our Basement, Kickstarter will provide you with the following incentives on your way to designing our new Web Page!
That’s right, we have a MAJOR rat problem in this building.
The scale is as follows:
1) First Dead Rat – You will be allowed bathroom access into Kickstarter’s Main Lobby!
2) Fifth Dead Rat – Kickstarter will provide you with some insider Traffic Tips, such as how to avoid the tunnel on your way to work!
3) Tenth Dead Rat – For only 35 dollars, you’ll be eligible to enter Kickstarter’s Web Design Raffle! Only five names will be picked, but you’ll receive a free T-Shirt, and some more Bleach!
The winners will score a Meet and Greet with Kickstarter’s Human Resources Department, and be eligible for an interview!
4) Fiftieth Dead Rat – Now you’ll have the opportunity to skip the interview, and simply design our new Web Site!
You will be compensated accordingly – meaning you can attend our Office Retreat with Special Guest Chris Mullin, all for only 100 dollars!
(This includes two hot-dogs, condiments and gas money not included.)
5) Hundredth Dead Rat – We really appreciate your work, but we’ve decided to go in another direction. There are plenty of other applicants willing to do this work and frankly the basement is becoming a bit crowded.
Kickstarter will have to deduct 5% of the street value of all the Dead Rats you collected from your paycheck, meaning that if you hand in the free T-Shirts, everything should come out even.
By the way, we don’t want to fund your shitty art project in which you took pretentious photographs of all the Dead Rats.
Thanks for being a part of our team and don’t forget to fill out your 10-99!