It’s obvious that humanity has seen better days.
When people give up on their own kind, they often look to branch out.
This is evident in the Woman Owns Dog craze as well as the British invasion of American mass media, E.T., divorced chicks banging guys with dreadlocks, and other examples.
In each instance, one party lost trust in another, and brought in a wild card to bestow non-existent characteristics unto.
The only question now is; what kind of hamster does Piers Morgan own?
The following are idiotic quotes that people have actually said to me regarding animals:
1) Did you know that humans are the only animal that drink the milk of another animal?
I would only imagine so. Given that any animal other than a human lacks the problem solving skills and ingenuity to consider such a practice.
This is why humans have prospered.
See, if you give literally any other predatory animal on earth an animal that it can easily kill, they will crush it to death with their teeth and swallow it with the bones on it with blood all over their face.
Less efficient.
Humans are the only animals that cook.
And the only animals with forks.
Growing up I had a cat. And I think it had to sit in time-out once when it ripped a rabbit apart.
Yeah, a lion isn’t going to milk a gazelle.
Just like a lion isn’t going to develop a tiny data chip that will allow it to listen to a catalogue of music through headphones.
It doesn’t even know what music is, so of course its not going to start milking anything.
What the fuck are you talking about?
2) Dolphins are just as intelligent as humans.
Oh really? I haven’t seen any of them in an aqua van driving down Sunset.
They have names for each other!
Ok.
They can do tricks! They like showing off for people!
Ok.
What you’re describing is something that one of the dumbest people in the world can do. I’m failing to see how the fact that dolphins have the capacity to accomplish minimal communication and exhibit basic self-awareness makes them as smart as humans.
If you took the reasons that dolphins are considered smart, you could apply them to (barring major defects) the stupidest person on earth, and it would be a tie.
Dolphins haven’t contributed anything to the world of science, outside of being a subject that is studied by humans.
Dolphins haven’t built anything.
They’re not on the internet. They aren’t cataloging various species of marine life. They haven’t written any dolphin books.
They haven’t even built a fucking boat! If dolphins were as smart as you think, wouldn’t they have built a canoe out of seaweed at some point? Just to prove they can do it?
No.
They don’t even know how to cook.
They don’t even have a dolphin with a contrived British accent like Piers Morgan.
Dolphins crush massive fish with their massive jaws, and often cannibalize other dolphins.
What the fuck are you talking about?
3) See how the dog is smiling?
We’re going 80 down the highway and the wind is blowing its lips open because it likes sticking its head out the window.
What the fuck are you talking about?
You just like these things because they’re different, and that’s cool, I get it.
But just realize, when you say things like this, you sound as dumb as Piers Morgan.
More quotes to follow!