Capitalism. The word inspires feelings of jealousy, power, and the desire to look it up on Wikipedia.
People on Medicare sing its praises while decrying Socialism.
I’m not an expert on the subject, but I’m pretty sure that without Capitalism we wouldn’t have High Definition televisions.
Let’s just say, however, that Capitalism never existed, but we still had H.D. televisions because aliens gave them to us in exchange for a good casserole (they didn’t know it was just Hamburger Helper) and we told them that the casserole contained the formula for perpetual motion: Well let me tell you something: Those televisions would not have programming dedicated to fear mongering, because there wouldn’t be anyone who turned into a terrorist because Capitalism decided to rape their homeland of natural resources in order to make H.D. televisions.
Capitalism’s goal is to do whatever it wants without facing any consequences.
Faced without regulation, industry will do what ENRON did and what Sonic Burger, in its hopeless ambition, wishes to do, which is to corrupt America, and heist money from its citizens with the blessing of government.
Okay, focus.
What the Fuck is happening here?
How much time is wasted, collectively, by Americans staring at these ridiculous stickers in accepting perplexity?
Hey, the guy who runs Ralph’s – Ralph I guess – let me ask you something – do you know what a sale is? It is when a specific item is discounted. Or all items are discounted. Or all except a few items are discounted.
A sale is not WHEN YOU PUT AN INFLATED NUMBER ON EVERY PRODUCT, nearly EVERY DAY, and then have what functions as the actual price UNDERNEATH it, pending that I give you my phone number, for reasons that are CONVENIENTLY UNEXPLAINED, because you’ve never called me.
DON’T TEXT ME RALPH.
Oh, these bottles of Jack Daniels are only $9.99? Great deal! Wait, let me bend down and lick the tile for a while I stare at that sticker some more. Just picture millions of people doing this every day and you’ll soon see why we’re too tired to start throwing firecrackers at people who work for Monsanto (Corn Flakes, Isle 3.)
Wait, they are only $9.99 if you buy six of them! Yeah, because that’s what I want. Six bottles of Jack Daniel’s, so I can crack one open on my lunch break.
If you’re going to be pissed at Chick Filet for promoting homophobia, maybe you should write a letter to Ralph about promoting alcoholism.
As I’m staring some more at this sticker I realize Jack Daniel’s is made of corn.
An open letter:
Ralph, I am a customer of yours. I am here to give you my money. Why do you have to fuck with me Ralph? You won. Can you not try and trick me, just while I’m here? I know nobody is going to regulate you, but just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD.
But how could I expect any class from a guy named Ralph anyway?