Why Last Comic Standing is Illegal 4

And American Idol. And any of the other bullshit shows where old hacks judge talent for obese Americans.

For those unfamiliar with the format, Last Comic Standing starts with a tour through several American cities, and invites people to audition for the opportunity to compete on the show and win $250,000 dollars.

In each city the show forces contestants to wait in line, and often times sleep on the sidewalk.

The producers of the show know that a bunch of homeless people and delusional narcissists do indeed have the time to spend two days waiting for the opportunity to make a poor attempt at humor and be promptly rejected. They know these people will cry. They also know that they have basically zero intention of featuring any of these people on the show. They force people to line up and then use footage of the lines to promote the supposed hysteria of the show at the expense of these people. If you think about it, why would the people with the production knowledge to execute a primetime television show not have the wherewithal to keep a fucking line moving?

Most people probably don’t know that any reputable comedian can simply have their representatives call the producers of the show and be given an appointment to do their bit, thereby skipping the line. Often times established comedians can negotiate with the producers to guarantee they will move past a certain point of elimination, thereby balancing their promotional concerns against their shame in participating.

This crosses the line from bullshit into illegality. In the late 50’s, producers of certain quiz shows were regularly rigging their shows in order to appease advertisers who wanted more attractive contestants to be featured. This pissed off a lot of people and it was investigated by a congressional committee which led to the passing of new laws which prohibited “the fixing of quiz shows or any other form of contest.”

If the contestants on Last Comic Standing aren’t given an equal opportunity to compete for the prize money awarded, how is this any different from the quiz shows of the 1950’s? The difference is that Congress found it pretty fucked up that television producers were deceiving the much less obese American public at the time, and since they couldn’t find any illegalities they passed laws to make such bullshit illegal in the future. So it wasn’t illegal the first time, but now it is.

I know our current Congress is currently occupied by a Republican majority whose stated goal is to commit treason by taking inaction in the form of protest, so I don’t expect them to pull Last Comic Standing off the air, but I would suggest that any lawyers willing to file a class action lawsuit against the unnamed television network carrying Last Comic Standing on behalf of the thousands of losers dumb enough to wait in those lines would have a fairly easy case.

*This article was not meant to disrespect any of the fine performers formerly or currently featured on Last Comic Standing, several of whom are personal friends, and possibly disrespect executive producer and talent manager Barry Katz whose clients often coincidentally appear on the show he produces.