television Archives - Matt Ralston's Blog

Why The President Should be a Pedophile

Feb

19

2020

Right now we’re at a point in time where half of all people will hate the president, no matter who he or she is or what actions they take. If an actual saint, who spent her teenage years picking up trash on the highways, then became a Rhode’s Scholar and started a giant tech firm ...

HBO’s Vinyl Exhibits The Changing Times

Apr

2

2016

If you watch Vinyl you’ll notice as part of each episode they tack on a 2-3 minute Inside the Episode segment which rolls contiguously following the credits. It’s not uncommon for shows to do a behind the scenes feature or a teaser to get you excited about the next episode. What appears unique about Vinyl ...

What The Confederate Flag Really Means Now

Jul

2

2015

There are two sides to the debate over what the Confederate flag symbolizes. Republican types say it stands for pickup trucks, drinking beer in the sun, and boiled peanuts. This is clearly not the case and the early adopters of the Confederacy would have been appalled by your homoerotic tight jeaned country singers. The other side says ...

The Duggars Are Awful People, But Point The Finger At TLC

Jun

11

2015

19 Kids and Counting will become the second of TLC’s shows to be cancelled because the southern minstrel spectacle it exploited turned out to be a pathetic cycle of ignorance. There’s a seedy underbelly to the backwoods fools you’re chuckling at. Amid revelations that the Duggar family knew and concealed the fact that their anti-gay crusading son ...

Dr. Drew’s Hypocrisy Dangerously Douchey

Jun

6

2015

Dr. Drew’s resting pious face and the way he portrays what appears to be soul crushing empathy while listening to Natalie Holloway gossip has been growing tired for some time now. You get the feeling he routinely breaks down in tears on his drive home about the fate of Amanda Bynes. I’m not sure how much of this is feigned ...

Looking Back On Rick James’ Appearance On Judge Joe Brown 1

Apr

20

2015

I couldn’t tell if it was a dream or a fleeting repressed memory. For years I’ve talked about it and been met with blank stares. Maybe you should see someone, they’d say. It could really help. If I was losing my mind I refused to admit it. When it got really bad I’d stand on the street ...

Toyota Owns Halftime?

Mar

26

2015

I was watching the NBA on ESPN when I heard something peculiar. The game went from the end of the second quarter to halftime and I heard the announcer proclaim in a seventy year old fratty smoker’s growl that it was: The Toyota Halftime. Did I miss something? Isn’t it supposed to be The Toyota Halftime ...

Why Did Iggy Azalea?

Dec

23

2014

Why do I know who Iggy Azalea is? It’s because I have to know who Some Chick is. Here’s how this works: When you’re an aspiring musician who can’t sing or play an instrument, the competition is pretty rough. Even if you’re talented, pretty, and musically proficient you aren’t going to get anywhere waiting around. ...

Steve Hofstetter Proves Comedy Doesn’t Pay

Dec

5

2014

If you haven’t seen the show Laughs on Fox you’re doing something right with your life. It features short clips of stand-up comedy, and an innovative segment showing screen grabs of tweets a staffer spelunked for. The show was created by Steve Hofstetter who is a comedian and internet based marketer who writes filler articles about Online Dating and tags other people’s Youtube ...

Is Honey Boo Boo Still Funny? 1

Oct

25

2014

I never had an ethical problem sitting down to watch Here Comes Honey Boo Boo so I could gawk at some disgusting obese tragedies of the Civil War spit out inane jokes fed to them by deservedly patronizing on-set producers. The irony is said producers probably think they’re really sophisticated and smart comparatively. Based on ...