Matt Ralston's Blog

The Aaron Hernandez Trial And TV’s Agenda

Apr

8

2015

I noticed the Aaron Hernandez trial isn’t getting a lot of attention on the national news cycle. It is definitely mentioned, but there’s no rabid fervor for it. This is particularly disturbing because it is exactly the type of story the national media loves to cover – it involves a bloody and salacious murder committed ...

The Bacon Thing Has Gone Too Far

Apr

3

2015

I recently saw this Big Az Bacon Addict cheeseburger in a glass case in the gas station and found it troubling. America is currently in the throes of an obesity epidemic and this food is being marketed to addicts. The Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms would not approve a whiskey called Booze Addict which purported ...

The Most Overrated Jobs In The World

Mar

31

2015

I’ve seen a lot of lists about which jobs are the most stressful or most difficult to get. Yet nobody talks about the impending difficulty of the job once you attain it. So I made this list of the Most Overrated Jobs in the world. An overrated job is one of high esteem which basically any non-disabled person ...

Toyota Owns Halftime?

Mar

26

2015

I was watching the NBA on ESPN when I heard something peculiar. The game went from the end of the second quarter to halftime and I heard the announcer proclaim in a seventy year old fratty smoker’s growl that it was: The Toyota Halftime. Did I miss something? Isn’t it supposed to be The Toyota Halftime ...

Did The Pope Perform A Miracle? 1

Mar

23

2015

People are divided over whether Pope Francis performed a miracle when he kissed a vial of powdered blood supposedly containing that of St. Gennaro, who died in 305 A.D., and half of it liquified. The blood is kept under lock and key and is brought out three times a year when it mysteriously liquifies although ...

That Stereotype About Lawyers And Politicians Being Despicable Human Beings Is True

Feb

15

2015

The following is regarding my run for West Hollywood City Council. Another candidate, Larry Block, recently had a bogus lawsuit filed against him by a lawyer who represents John Duran, a current member of the Council. The person spearheading this lawsuit is John Duran. He doesn’t want Block to win, so he had this creep Neal ...

Above What Rim?

Feb

1

2015

I never understood the scene in the masterfully copacetic Above The Rim where Nutzo falls to his death while attempting to compete in a jumping contest. It begs a few questions: What was that backboard made of? How could it have sustained multiple bank shots and not a dude’s hand? Is Nutzo palming a Maddux ...

Obama Finally Making Waves

Jan

26

2015

Dear Barack Obama: I’m glad you have finally grown some balls seven years into your presidency. Better late than never. This has come in the face of a Republican opposition whose stated strategy is to not allow you to do anything so they can complain about you not doing anything. It’s a massive failure of their ...

NYPD Protest Yields Good Results

Jan

7

2015

The NYPD are protesting the Mayor’s decision not to let them assault peaceful protestors by not doing what they are paid to do, and still getting paid because they don’t understand their jobs. I make a distinction between the phrase “Doing what they are paid to do” and “Doing their jobs” because their jobs don’t pay them ...

An Open Letter To Pat Lynch

Dec

31

2014

This is an open letter to Pat Lynch, the head of the Policemen’s Benevolent Association, which is a pretentious moniker that means the NYPD Union if you aren’t boned up on your Shakespeare or doublespeak. Dear Pat Lynch: Fuck you. I noticed you blamed the people protesting the deaths of people your organization murdered because ...