An awful lot of people seem to consider their dogs as people the days. A true friend. A member of the family.
Well, let me ask you something; why does one of your family members enjoy snacking on cat shit?
How come your buddy is licking his balls inside of Trader Joe’s?
Certainly, there must be some distinction.
See, I think if dogs are to have the same rights as people, they have to live up to basic societal norms or else be put into special jails which would resemble studio apartments.
That or you could just admit your dog is a stupid filthy animal and we can go on with our lives.
Here’s an example of what I’m talking about: When a mother dog, let’s call her Lola, gives birth to a litter of puppies and one of them is especially weak or for some reason unhealthy, it is not uncommon for a dog like Lola (an adorable Maltese mix with the cutest little speckle on her left eye) TO KILL AND THEN EAT HER RECENTLY BIRTHED CHILD.
Ok. Well, if Lola is a person then, she is a sick, demented lunatic (probably on meth), who should be punished severely for her crimes.
Human Judge: Do you understand the charges brought against you?
Lola: (Stares straight ahead thinking about meat and processing these thoughts into abstract shapes, then let’s out a brief bark.)
Suddenly, Lola’s thrice divorced owner, Robin, acting as interpreter, pipes in.
Robin: That means she does understand, your honor.
At this point you have to question to what degree Robin, the dog’s apparent mother, should be held accountable for Lola’s actions.
If you’re the parent of a troubled child and you notice your kid is ordering a lot of semi-automatic artillery and penis rings delivered to your house, and that he has suddenly taken a strong interest in the early work of Cannibal Corpse, and he then goes and shoots up a high school, it stands to reason that your neglect should lead you to face criminal charges.
The same should go for your dog, since, according to you, it is a family member.
There’s also a flip side to this coin.
Police dogs (German Shepherds, a breed perhaps best known for attacking innocent children during civil rights marches), are occasionally killed or injured while out and about intimidating innocent civilians in the airport and occasionally chasing a guy who robbed a liquor store.
Police dogs, in most departments, are “sworn officers.”
This means a bunch of cops actually read the dog an oath, which they must know the dog does not understand, and then swear him in as an officer.
For this reason, when you see a bunch of tatted up cops who think they’re all badass with their K-9 Unit, the appropriate response is to point at them and laugh, because they are silly, ridiculous men who deserve zero respect.
Point being, if you should assault one of these police dogs, it will carry a stiffer penalty than if you assaulted a civilian dog, because the dog is an aforementioned “sworn officer.”
Hmm. Well in that case every police department in the country with a K-9 unit should be prosecuted under human rights laws, because I noticed a few things about how you all are treating one of your officers.
I noticed one of your officers is kept on a leash, is fed dried up food unsuitable for human consumption, is often kept in a small cage, receives no pay for his work, and isn’t even allowed to leave the station alone to get lunch for fear he will run away and expose himself as a victim of human trafficking.
It’s truly sick the way this member of your police force is being treated.
Making matters worse, he is mentally disabled.
No matter what society you’re in, remaining alive and unincarcerated as a human carries with it a decent amount of responsibility.
Usually you have to wear clothes, usually you can’t hump whatever you want, usually if you’re dangerous enough to warrant a muzzle like Hannibal Lecter you aren’t allowed to continue roaming the streets.
If gang members can be prosecuted simply because they are affiliated with a group known to kill and maim people, why are pit bulls not similarly prosecuted?
Turning the coin on its side…
In the case of Citizens United, the Supreme Court of the United States ruled that corporations should enjoy the same rights as people, leading to the phrase “corporations are people.”
This is a ludicrous idea propagated by the Republican party, which if you just think about it for one second is beyond asinine, and which allows corporations a bunch of free reign to buy political candidates.
Yet, when its eminently apparent that a person is committing a crime and is found guilty of that crime, such as say, stealing millions of dollars from people, they are usually sentenced to prison.
Wells Fargo, as one of countless examples, was found guilty of systematically stealing billions of dollars from their customers by opening over 3,500,000 unauthorized accounts in their names.
You would go to prison if you opened ten accounts in ten different people’s names, and stole ten thousand dollars.
Remember, in the eyes of the shameless buffoon asshole Republican appointed justices on the Supreme Court, you and Wells Fargo have the same rights.
Actually they have more than you. They’re a more important person than you.
So, I would just like for us to get back to thinking like adults.
Your dog isn’t a person.
It’s a domesticated wolf that humans have genetically groomed to be as docile as possible, so it’s basically an engineered bitch toy, and if you are friends with your dog you might be kind of a loser, because your dog doesn’t understand english or enjoy sports, movies, or music, or even know what these things are.
A really dumb person is exponentially smarter than your dog
I’d almost rather hang out with with Donald Trump Jr than Lola the ravenous dog.
Almost.
As for the human vs. canine members of the K-9 Unit, that’s a push.