2014 - Page 3 of 7 - Matt Ralston's Blog

West Hollywood Makes Personal Trainers Sweat

Aug

27

2014

A friend of mine is a personal trainer and recently told me that West Hollywood is on the verge of making it illegal for her to train someone in a public park without a permit. Many cities in the county have already done the same. The law would impose fines for those who get paid ...

Its Jaybird’s Wing World 1

Aug

21

2014

Growing up in Fairbanks Alaska we had a few local celebrities but none as intriguing as Jaybird. Jaybird was a tall gangly guy with a big nose who I first noticed when I was eight years old dressed as a chicken mascot and parading on court during half time of a North Pole High School ...

Policemen Aren’t Sexy For A Reason

Aug

17

2014

I recently read a study examining why firefighters are considered to be symbols of sexuality among women. It theorized that women are instinctively drawn to firefighters because they rescue people, and kitties. They are symbols of valiance. Your estrogen suggests they could swoop in and whisk you away to ecstasy the same way they scoop up ...

Stop DUI Checkpoints 2

Aug

11

2014

I ran into horrible traffic on Sunset this Saturday because there was a DUI checkpoint. Not only are these bastards infringing on our basic rights, but by blocking off the street their reach is now effecting us outside of having our 4th amendment trampled. I was late for my movie because people whose salaries I pay have ...

Breastfeeding Is Not Really Heroic 1

Aug

6

2014

Posting public breastfeeding pics to social media has become all the rage. Its an odd issue to take a stand on since it is legal and encouraged in every state of the union, being opposed solely by obese puritans who nobody listens to even when they have megaphones. Most Americans have zero issue with it, but would ...

Lyft Is So Hip

Jul

26

2014

You can tell how cool and hip Lyft is because their cars have mustaches and they misspell their name. They totally ‘Get It.’ Taking cabs is for squares. You are super indie if you take Lyft because you want to give your money to a cool, smart, innovative company, not to the establishment which lobbies ...

Sport Or Game? 3

Jul

24

2014

There are several activities which spark interest on a national scale. Some are considered sports, others mere games. I am a fundamentalist when it comes to American sports. Not a fundamentalist like I exclude blacks from competing, I just think America has room for a few legitimate sports, real athletes gravitate towards them, and everything left over is just ...

Worst Lyft Driver Ever 2

Jul

22

2014

I got a Lyft yesterday because I would rather they get harassed by the police. The driver was some crazed lunatic. He wouldn’t stop bothering me. He has a mental condition and should not be driving a car. At least he should have a car made for people with mental conditions like a Smart Car. That being said, he ...

The Ten Most Annoying Things About ESPN 1

Jul

15

2014

ESPN has 24 hours a day to talk about sports and about two hours worth of material. It is always on. More American males can name the third basemen for the Sox than the Attorney General of the United States. I don’t think people are stepping back to see how ridiculous this is. Here are the ...

Don’t Judge Crackheads 3

Jul

11

2014

Crackhead? I was having lunch at a restaurant recently and went outside to make a phone call. As I was standing on the street I saw a woman in a trench coat, bony knees sticking out, weird lipstick, cupping her hands and pressing her face against the tinted glass of a locked car to see ...