2014 - Page 5 of 7 - Matt Ralston's Blog

Real Men Don’t Buy Ashton Kutcher. 3

May

10

2014

I almost threw up in my mouth today as I was browsing the internet and noticed Ashton Kutcher’s “Real Men Don’t Buy Girls” campaign. What is this idiot talking about, I asked myself. Apparently Kutcher and his wife Demi Moore have started a foundation to address the issue of child sex slavery. The name of ...

Why Hipsters are Almost as Smart as they Think

May

2

2014

Everyone who isn’t a hipster hates hipsters. But hipsters love themselves. Hence their self indulgent misused sense of irony when it comes to daily living, walking around with their flea-market props, having the nerve to suggest that this preoccupation with antiquated kitsch is a commitment on their part, as if we aren’t well aware that ...

Check Out This Review of my Hit Single!!!! 14

Apr

27

2014

This is a review of my song, Movie Song, by Chuck Klosterman: First, if you haven’t seen the video, here is a new link to it: Here’s the review, copy and pasted: Matt Ralston Movie Song, Independent. ★★★★ “Matt Ralston is an artist of inhibited verisimilitude – at once confined to the genre of hip-hop, ...

When I Realized the Left is Full of Jackasses

Apr

22

2014

I actually prefer the term progressive, and this is how I would refer to myself when asked to explain my leanings in one word, but herein lies the problem of this generalization. Progressiveness isn’t a political party, nor a concise ideology. Progressives, I had always assumed, are a faction of people who don’t like the ...

Recent Gullibles. 1

Apr

20

2014

These are a few things people believed me say recently when I selfishly lying for my own amusement. 1) The actor Willem Dafoe is a completely different person from actor WILLIAM Dafoe (who isn’t a real person.) Also notice the slight differential in spelling the name. Willem is similar to William. Anyway, both of them ...

I went to read an article and THIS happened!!! 1

Apr

15

2014

Nothing happened. I’m really tired of this shit. I hate this new phenomenon. It’s not especially pressing, but it is an annoying thing that has become ubiquitous and slightly degrades our quality of life. I’m referring to these bating spam type of trivial filler bullshit drivel that seems to be dominating the Huff Po. This ...

The L.A. Sheriff’s Department Killed John Winkler and is Lying 2

Apr

11

2014

Very sad news, as John Winkler, a young guy who had recently moved to L.A., was shot by a member of the Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department in his building in West Hollywood. At this time it is unclear whether all or just one of the officers involved is lying about what actually happened. By all ...

Why I am Apparently Racist 72

Apr

7

2014

I didn’t know I was. I’ve never really harbored any racist views, but maybe I am not impartial to myself. I had no idea that I’ve been walking around as a racist for years now until I was informed by Shelby Fero who fancies herself a real hero of the disenfranchised huddling masses yearning to breathe ...

Why The Subway Sandwich Company Thinks Their Customers Are Stupid (And Are Probably Correct.) 1

Apr

1

2014

I’m not counting airports and truck stops, but if you live in an urban area and frequent Subway, you might be retarded. There is a family owned restaurant within a square mile that will give you a sandwich three times as good for one (1) additional dollar. That additional dollar comes into play despite the ...

Why I am Extorting an Independent Pizza Restaurant 10

Mar

24

2014

Why? Because I need to. And I am not extorting money. I am extorting pizza. Which, after checking with my lawyer, is perfectly legal. Here’s the deal, the other day, I bought a large pizza, which, in Los Angeles, runs you about thirty bucks. I picked it up, and this is what I got: Do ...