matt ralston

Scorpion On CBS Genius? 4

I recently listened to Adam Carolla’s podcast, which I enjoy for its snappy discourse, diversity of opinion and quality guests. Carolla’s guests on this episode were Nick Santora – a successful TV producer – and Walter O’Brien, a self labeled genius, who claims to be “1 in 1.4 billion” because he says his IQ score ranks him ...

The Laziness Behind Kim Kardashian’s Popularity

The Laziness Behind Kim Kardashian's Popularity
This chick haunts my dreams. She was sent to earth to lower standards for human kind.  I was sitting around and got angry that I have to see Kim Kardashian’s face all the time. Its presence makes no sense if you think about it. She was a B-list porn actress born to a scumbag most currently notable for ...

Why Last Comic Standing is Illegal 4

And American Idol. And any of the other bullshit shows where old hacks judge talent for obese Americans. For those unfamiliar with the format, Last Comic Standing starts with a tour through several American cities, and invites people to audition for the opportunity to compete on the show and win $250,000 dollars. In each city ...

Sports Television Etiquette Part I

A friend of mine recently wrote me, via postal mail, with this complaint: Dear Matt, I was really pissed off yesterday, because I really wanted to watch the National Championship Game, and when I arrived home, my friend was watching a movie on the big screen. I asked him if he wanted to watch the ...

Why I hope that every C.E.O. on Undercover Boss is Hit by a Train 1

Undercover Boss is arguably the most offensive thing I have ever seen. And I’ve seen Toby Keith. Here’s how the show works: The C.E.O. of a major company pointlessly and self-indulgently puts on a wig or something and goes undercover because we all know that the garbage-men employed by Waste Management know exactly what the drab, nondescript middle-aged ...

Have You Laughed at a Dead Person? Part I

The other day I was sitting at the bar of a decent restaurant having dinner. There was a TV to the right and to the left above the bar. The one to the left was airing some previously recorded UFC fights, so every few minutes I was treated to the site of a guy bashing ...

My Most Recent Amazing Entrepreneurial Ideas 1

The following are a list of earth-shattering entrepreneurial ideas that I have come up with in the last day or so. Let this record show that I am the sole creator of these ideas unless otherwise noted. If anyone is interested in financing any of these, please contact me (no Wall-Street types please.) Here we ...

Why I’m Glad Oprah’s not Polluting the Airwaves Anymore 4

Remember that real annoying thing that happened a few years back, which everyone isn’t quite asking “what the fuck?” about enough? I’m not talking about about Creed or My Big Fat Greek Wedding, I’m talking about Oprah. The aptly-titled The Oprah Show show was a constant source of annoyance for decent Americans between the years ...