Matt Ralston's Blog

Why Aren’t All Nursing Home Patients Full Blown Alcoholics?

Jul

23

2019

It recently occurred to me that nursing home patients rarely drink alcohol or use recreational drugs, which I found perplexing. People who have nothing to do most of the time; unemployed people, people in rock bands, actors, college students, bar managers, the homeless, all seem to drink quite heavily. While there are many people such ...

How to Solve LA’s Homeless Problem

Jul

8

2019

Bicycles. The answer is bicycles. If you haven’t noticed, the homeless problem in Los Angeles is completely out of control. Aside from a massive enclave of people who can’t even get seated at The Cheesecake Factory (a low bar) located on Skid Row, every single side ramp and underpass is littered with tent cities. It’s ...

Why You Should Visit The White House If You Hate Trump

Jun

26

2019

I don’t like when athletes skip going to the White House to protest the fact that Donald Trump is a vile pig and his administration is comprised mostly of third ballot racists. I believe they should go, and that it is part of their duty of being an American. I don’t mean that in the ...

I Think Bad People are Reproducing Faster

Apr

3

2019

I consider myself to be a good person, not that I’m perfect, but I try to treat other people with respect and not steal or cheat or involve myself in drive by shootings or ritual stabbings or terror plots or bigoted politics or Raiders fandom. Maybe I’m not even a good person, I’m just not ...

How to Fix the NBA Draft Lottery and Free Agency

Mar

27

2019

NBA teams in small markets have always had a pronounced disadvantage in attracting free agents, as well as keeping their drafted players who are blossoming into max level superstars. It only makes sense that young guys would rather live in Miami or Los Angeles than Sacramento for personal reasons as well as branding opportunities, or ...

Rain Dove Proven Liar By Her Own Facebook Page

Mar

10

2019

Model and activist Rain Dove has been in the news frequently in recent months. Apart from dating Rose McGowan, she has made headlines for leaking Rose’s texts with disgraced #MeToo activist Asia Argento to the press, and for being maced in a public restroom by a woman who thought she was a man, among other ...

What We Can Learn About Each Other from Robert Kraft

Feb

26

2019

I hadn’t thought much about Patriots owner Robert Kraft until just recently something happened that made me curious about him, and it wasn’t the massage parlor incident. On Super Bowl Sunday I noticed him rocking a giant gold rope chain with a hip-hop inspired diamond encrusted blinged out medallion reading CHAMPIONSHIPS. The only thing I ...

We Should Legalize All Drugs And Execute Meth People

Feb

11

2019

There’s a lot of room for nuance in this world. I fancy myself a libertarian in terms of civil liberties. I believe you should be able to do whatever you want. I believe that all drugs should be legal. Except meth. I think you should be able to smoke as much weed, snort as much ...

Jussie Smollett is a Liar Who Faked a Hate Crime

Feb

5

2019

I wanted to be one hundred percent sure, or as close to a hundred percent as possible, before accusing actor Jussie Smollett of lying about being the subject of a racial and homophobic attack, in which assailants supposedly beat him up, wrapped a noose around his neck, poured an unknown chemical on him, and shouted ...

The Pro-Life Fallacy

Jan

30

2019

Still unclear how some douchebag teenagers captured the national spotlight at a moment when the President of the United States is an unhinged Russian agent. People say you shouldn’t call teenage kids douchebags. No? Well I’m not marching into your creepy all-boys school in Kentucky and calling you all out, you marched on Washington, for ...