Matt Ralston's Blog

False Advertising for Dummies 2

Feb

28

2014

I saw this sign yesterday: It is advertising that you can Lose 20 pounds for 7 dollars. That sounded like a great deal! So I called the number and to my surprise, the brilliant ad-man who answered the phone was blatantly lying about the intentions of the sign! I must admit that I was a ...

Why Arnold Schwartsennegger Should be Ignored.

Feb

23

2014

First of all, I am tired of trying to spell his name. If he doesn’t have enough respect to learn English, I am not going to show him the respect of Googling his name to spell it correctly. Aside from being a pawn of the Republican party’s agenda to bankrupt America, which I’ll get into ...

There is no Escaping the Prison Industrial Complex 2

Feb

17

2014

The Prison Industrial Complex – the rapid expansion of the US inmate population to the political influence of private prison companies and businesses that supply goods and services to government prison agencies. I recently had another brush with this disgusting system the U.S. has created. With the banks and our federal government having made their ...

Marijuana in the NFL

Feb

12

2014

Like many people I found it worth noticing that the two teams in this year’s Super Bowl were both representing states which had recently legalized marijuana – Washington and Colorado. I also found it interesting to learn that the NFL currently tests players for marijuana, and that a positive test would be a violation of ...

Why Aliases Are Not Necessary If Nobody Knows Who You Are

Feb

5

2014

I was recently reading a bullshit article on CNN’s website. CNN doesn’t have any articles that are not bullshit, by the way. So, the article I was reading was about the rise of heroin abuse in the United States and was written by some guy who did not go into any detail about the fact ...

Why Uber is Uber Lame 1

Jan

27

2014

Like many other gullible dullards, up until recently I had praised the app-based car service Uber as being a convenient alternative to taking a taxi cab – as most Los Angeles taxi cab companies seem to issue potential employees a questionnaire that seeks out who is most openly aggressive towards Americans and throw out the ...

Thinking about Capitalism in the Liquor Aisle at Ralph’s

Jan

23

2014

Capitalism. The word inspires feelings of jealousy, power, and the desire to look it up on Wikipedia. People on Medicare sing its praises while decrying Socialism. I’m not an expert on the subject, but I’m pretty sure that without Capitalism we wouldn’t have High Definition televisions. Let’s just say, however, that Capitalism never existed, but we ...

Kelly Thomas Can No Longer Go Apartment Hunting Since he is Dead 3

Jan

17

2014

Kelly Thomas is the name of the man who was beaten to death, or forcibly asphyxiated, depending on how you look at it, by Fullerton Police in 2011. Can you find anything odd about the following description of the events, which I pulled from an Associated Press article?: Two California police officers who were videotaped ...

The Least Surprising Murder Ever 2

Jan

15

2014

The following is a factual account of the murder of Chad Oulson, a former U.S. Navy Petty Officer, by a former Naval cadet and Tampa Police Captain, and most recently Head of Security at Bush Gardens, guy named Curtis Reeves. As the shooting victim struggled to breathe, an off-duty County Deputy who happened to be ...

Conclusive Proof that Dennis Rodman is a Walking Contradition

Jan

10

2014

A lot has been made of Dennis Rodman’s Basketball Diplomacy campaign, sponsored by Kim Jong-un, the water headed, flipper-handed genetic hot tub who inherited North Korea from his father. Rodman has called Kim his ‘best friend’ and has participated in nauseating sycophantic behavior towards the dictator while in No Ko, including bowing to him and serenading him ...